Instead can i write you about how my heart keeps expanding so much so at times i am overtaken by tears, happy ones with grains of fear. Fear that i not only see the finish line but i feel it. the last few weeks while i stare at Poet and whatever she is doing at the time, my mind wonders taking along with it my heart to the adoption day, the court room. Although i do not know how these things play out, i do not know who will be there and who will not but i imagine some sort of final word from the Judge making it clear we are now the legal parents to our daughter and as she finishes i clench Poet and K and Sob uncontrollably from happiness all the while letting go of the fear. This scenario has been playing in my head often as of late and when it does, i find myself sobbing and shaking.
I am not supposed to go there in my mind, heart is not supposed to feel or experience this emotionally just yet, but it does. there is no wall to protect me now, i am wide open ready, waiting, scared but fully believing.
* the state might make me take this photograph down, i understand.